¶ 10/12/2005 10:58:00 PM

Silence is such an easy thing to listen to.
I've heard it for so long, screaming in my ears.
You just get used to the sound...
the sound of nothing.
I was never satisfied.
Funny how so many things change so quickly.
Fast forward life in fast forward motion.
Went from somewhere over there,
to here in super speed.
My kryptonite is gone.
The hand I feld, even when it let go,
still held me down.
You can't change the past,
you can't even forget it if you tried.
Not now, not yet.
It's what made you who you are now.
The only way you know it's right...
Do you like who you see when you look in the mirror?
Not what other's have made you.
No... what you've made of yourself.
When you lay your head on your pillow,
are you full of pills and booze?
Do you shut everything out, just so you can't
feel it? Lonliness... sadness.. just plain
feeling anything at all.
Pretending that this is how it should be.
Never knowing what it could be.
Letting it all slip away...everything that was
ever what kept you moving on?
It's okay to stay still, but to never move at all?
To never really know what it's like to love
someone with everything inside you.
To never really connect to anyone like that.
To never lie... to never have to.
To be so open it can hurt..
to never keep anything inside.
Life is supposed to be more than beer in the fridge.
Jager in the freeze.
Pills in the hall.
Pacing by the phone, hating to be alone.
Wanting to be anywhere but here.
Life is supposed to be more than random panties on your floor.
The red ones with easy access.
Clean sheets for the next contestant lined up in your
little black book of fun.
15 minute fucks with a little pause in-between.
Chaulking it up the next day as a lease.
Got in, tried it, got out.
Next.
Funny how that little book can fill so quickly when
you really put your mind to it.
Funny how many really thought there was something
in you. Drunk or not.
Funny how it all seems the same.
Even when they're different.
It's there more than that?
When you look in their eyes, is it a free meal
and a warm body?
Is it forever?
Is it anything at all?
Don't you ever want more?
Can't you even see how wonderful it is?
It's being okay with being in seperate rooms.
It's okay with silence.
It's knowing it doesn't last long.
It's never feeling any doubt once you've given it all.
It's wanting to see that smile everyday you breath.
It's wanting to fight, not give up.
It's never walking away.
it's never pushing away.
It's never sleeping alone.
It's another dish in the sink.
It's a scarf on the floor and marks on your neck.
It's kink. True trusting kink that never bores.
It's know who's arms are wrapped around you when you wake
up... knowing them inside out... last name and all.
It's way more than anything you've ever had.
Open your eyes. It's there...
definately there...
Just waiting.
Aren't you ready yet?

¶ 10/12/2005 10:38:00 PM